


Sycophant My Skin To Your Heart Beating

by thirteenthmoon



Category: The Rose (Band)
Genre: Blow Jobs, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, First Time Bottoming, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Rimming, Sex Toys, Switching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 02:08:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21579850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thirteenthmoon/pseuds/thirteenthmoon
Summary: Dojoon is making faces at him in practice. So, of course, Woosung has to start making them back. They’re contorting their faces into ridiculous shapes when Hajoon comes in. The drummer immediately starts laughing, eyes crinkling shut and doubling over with mirth at the pair of them. “Your face will get stuck that way.” Jaehyeong scolds, but Woosung thinks it’s worth the risk to pull one more just to make Hajoon laugh again.
Relationships: Kim Woosung | Sammy/Lee Hajoon | Dylan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	Sycophant My Skin To Your Heart Beating

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes you just have to write the fic you wish to see in the world. And so here we stand, on my rowboat of a ship that absolutely no one else in this already small fandom was asking for. To anyone who has clicked on this story, I thank you and hope I can deliver something you enjoy. Warning for some brief internalized denial of one's own bisexuality. Additional thanks and love to my friend Mako who did her best to beta read for me. Any mistakes are from my own further meddling. Title from Selna Gomez's "Good For You" the instrumental for which I had on loop for much of the writing.

The water falls hard and fast as they shelter under the overhang waiting for the storm to pass. It cascades down, so it seems they are looking at another world through a thick, shimmering curtain. The sound of it muffles out almost everything else, adding to the illusion.  
  
Hajoon blinks at Woosung with a smile “Hyung, what are you thinking about so hard?” Woosung smiles back, shaking his head as he comes out of his thoughts. “Nothing important Hajoonie.” He runs a hand through Hajoon’s wet hair, brushing it out of his eyes.  
  
An easy lie, tumbling from his lips smoother and easier than the rain from the clouds around them. The true answer is he had been thinking about how beautiful the younger looked soaked from the downpour, and the shine it gave to his mouth, which was a temptation under normal circumstances and a sweet torment to look upon now. He slips an arm around Hajoon’s shoulders, pulling him close as they wait. Hajoon is warm and solid against his side, helping push away the chill the sudden storm had brought on when the water-soaked them as they had been walking together.  
  
Hajoon leans into it, slipping his arm around Woosung’s waist. They stand like that in silence, letting the quiet wash over them until the storm passes them by.  
  
  
***  
  
Hajoon’s fingers are cold in his; his nose and the tips of his ears pink with it. Woosung breathes warmth onto the hands he has sheltered in his, rubbing them gently to help it sink in. Hajoon’s smile is warmer still. A springtime sun in the middle of a chilled fall day. Woosung’s heart thuds painfully hard against his ribs in response as he returns it.  
  
He tells himself anyone would feel like that if they got a smile from someone as cute as Hajoon. The dismissal is easy, and he almost manages to forget the whole thing before the end of the day.  
  
It's nothing, he thinks. Nothing at all.  
  
  
***  
  
They're sitting in a park, Jaehyeong with an acoustic guitar and Hajoon using the now-empty case to lightly drum the beat as the four of them sing together. The afternoon light is golden. It wreaths Hajoon in a halo, contrasts the depth of his eyes, and paints his skin in patterns of light and shadow through the leaves.  
  
Hajoon joins in for the harmony, a smile crinkling the corners of his eyes, and for a moment he outshines the sun. 

  
***  
  
It was easy to dismiss for a while. Hajoon was just a handsome man, and he happened to take extra notice of it sometimes.  
  
It wasn't like he had never looked at another man and felt a bit of something, exactly. But he'd never thought about it, assuming he was straight because he liked girls and that everyone had a bit of curiosity sometimes. It was only fleeting moments as he passed by an attractive man or picture of a celebrity.  
  
Hajoon, though.  
  
Hajoon was always there.  
  
Hajoon setting up his drum kit and his arms looking strong and beautiful. Hajoon sleeping in the van curled up with Dojoon on the way home from a late gig. Him and Jaehyeong bringing home dinner for everyone. Hajoon laughing at some ridiculous prank.  
  
Beautiful and silly and talented and rarely far away. 

  
***  
  
They sit side by side watching a drama with their bandmates. Woosung jokes easily with Dojoon, tossing bits of popcorn back and forth at each other until Jaehyeong takes it away. He's hyper-aware of the drummer next to him, and the slightest accidental contact, whenever one of them shifts, feels electric under his skin.  
  
He glances out of the corner of his eye, wondering if Hajoon feels it too. He seems absorbed in the show, eyes steady on the screen and biting his lip as the characters on screen suffer yet another set back in their relationship. The light from the screen flickers across his features, highlighting different things in snapshots. The curve of Hajoon’s lips. The slope of his nose. The line of his jaw. The column of his throat.  
  
Woosung thinks how easy it’d be to reach over and hold his hand.  
  
He keeps his hands inside the too-long sleeves of his sweater, balled up tight into fists.  
  
It’s nothing, he reminds himself. Just … a little infatuation.  
  
It doesn’t mean anything.  
  
  
***  
  
Hajoon is a line of heat against him at the bar, yelling in his ear to be heard over the music, “Dance with me hyung!” He sighs, already knowing he's going to give in even as he shakes his head. Hajoon laughs, undaunted at the refusal, and tugging at him still. “Come on, don't make me go out alone.”  
  
“Ask Jaehyeong or Dojoon.”

Hajoon pretends to pout, “They dance with me all the time. I want to dance with you. Please?” Woosung hangs his head in defeat as he lets himself be pulled away from his spot at the bar and onto the dance floor. The music pounds around them, the different flashes of light painting Hajoon in red, purple, green, and blue in turns as he brings Woosung closer. They're very close in height, enough that Woosung is looking him in the eyes. Hajoon settles his hands at Woosung’s waist, which sets his heart to triple time as they start to move.  
  
It's hell and it's heaven. He gives in just a little to the pull. His arms settle around Hajoon’s shoulders and he moves with him. It's nothing overt, but Hajoon doesn't leave any space between them as they rock together to the song. They aren't especially great dancers, but they both can follow a beat and know how to move their hips and it's enough. Hajoon grins beautifully, eyes sparkling, and doesn't leave the floor until last call.  
  
***  
  
He’s walking the fine line between buzzed and drunk. The alcohol makes him feel light and floaty even as it weighs his limbs down. But he's got Hajoon at his side, keeping him from dumping himself onto the cold ground.  
  
“Hajoonie~,” he hums, rubbing his face against the younger’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, hyung?”  
  
“You're fuckin sexy” he drawls, causing Hajoon to laugh. “Thank you hyung. You're pretty sexy too.” Woosung grins, lifting his hands to cradle Hajoon’s face.  
  
“Sexy, cutie, Hajoonie~” he sings songs, feeling the younger’s face heat up against his palms. “Come on Woosungie-hyung, let's get you to your room.”  
  
He doesn’t fight Hajoon taking his hands and leading him the rest of the way down the hall.  
  
He also doesn’t let go of his hands after the door shut. “Hajoonie, pretty, sexy, cutie Hajoonie, stay with me”  
  
Hajoon gently squeezes his hand, “You're drunk. You need to drink some water and go to bed.”  
  
Shaking his head, Woosung tries to pull Hajoon closer. “I'm not drunk. I'm just. I had some. Just enough. Not drunk.”  
  
Hajoon smiles indulgently, “Okay hyung, you're not drunk. Will you get in bed while I get you some water?”  
  
“Okaaaaaay.” He drags himself up the ladder and flops onto the mattress. Only once he has does Hajoon leave to get the drink. Woosung makes a face as he waits, and begins tugging off his clothes.  
  
He's gotten off his jeans and is in the process of pulling off his shirt as Hajoon walks back in. “Why am I not surprised.” Woosung's hair sticks up in multiple directions as he tosses the shirt to the floor. He reaches out to Hajoon, “Come here Hajoonie.” Hajoon shakes his head at Woosung but eventually winds up climbing up with the drink when Woosung refuses to come closer to get it for himself.  
  
He puts it into Woosung’s hands as he settles on the bed. “Drink, hyung.” Woosung sticks his tongue out at the younger before complying. He drinks most of the glass before setting it down on the small shelf by the bed. He wiggles into a comfortable position on the bed and tugs Hajoon close. “Stay here with me?”  
  
Hajoon’s amused smile grows wider, “Why do you want me to stay, hyung?” Woosung lifts one hand to brush Hajoon’s hair from his face. “Why wouldn't I want you to stay?” The bright smile fades a bit as the younger blinks at him. “I- Uh. I don't know? So you could have your whole bed to yourself?”  
  
“But I like when you're here.” Woosung keeps running his fingers through Hajoon’s hair as he speaks. “Your hair is so soft, Hajoonie”  
  
Hajoon laughs quietly, slowly relaxing into the touch. Woosung adds a bit of light scratching to his scalp and the back of his neck, and the drummer's eyes start to drift shut. He brings his other hand up to add to it until he’s gently massaging Hajoon’s neck. Hajoon sighs, leaning into the touch and letting himself be pulled down to lay on the bed. “Okay, okay, I'll stay.” He mumbles, and it was Woosung’s turn to smile.  
  
He tugs Hajoon close, wrapping his limbs around the drummer as he closes his eyes. He feels more than hears Hajoon laughing at him, but that’s fine. He likes Hajoon’s laugh. Hajoon being happy is always a good thing. Hajoon hugs him back, petting Woosung’s hair. The touch relaxes him slowly, and he drifts off like that, snuggled close to the other man. 

  
***  
  
Dojoon is making faces at him in practice. So, of course, he has to start making them back. They’re contorting their faces into ridiculous shapes when Hajoon comes in. The drummer immediately starts laughing, eyes crinkling shut and doubling over with mirth at the pair of them. “Your face will get stuck that way.” Jaehyeong scolds, but Woosung thinks it’s worth the risk to pull one more just to make Hajoon laugh again.  
  
  
***  
  
  
He's in the workspace under his bed, watching some movie when Hajoon comes in and sits with him. They lay together for a while when Hajoon takes his hand and starts to give a gentle massage. Woosung feels a jolt through his body at the simple action. Hajoon’s fingers work in small circles, taking away aches he hadn't realized he had. He moves up from Woosung’s hand to his wrist, and along his arm. Eventually, somehow he finds himself sitting in front of Hajoon, the drummer’s strong fingers working at knots in his shoulders and down his back. Woosung sighs, leaning back against him. Hajoon stops to wrap his arms around him, resting his chin on Woosung’s shoulder.  
  
He can feel Hajoon’s breathing on his neck. The line of his body against his back. The jolt he felt before now has sparked embers low inside him. He rubs his thumb over the back of Hajoon's hand as the heat smolders. “Hajoonie, what-”  
  
Hajoon reaches his free hand up to press his finger against Woosung’s lips. “Shh, hyung. I got you.” He’s so close Woosung can feel the warmth of his breath when he speaks. Makes him gasp, and Hajoon takes advantage of his parted lips to slip his finger into his mouth. Woosung doesn’t pause to think. He wraps his lips around the drummer's finger and sucks.  
  
The embers are growing higher and hotter; a proper flame burning him up from the inside. All he can think to do is open his mouth wider to let a second finger in and press back into Hajoon for some kind of steadiness to ground him as he starts to shake. Hajoon’s fingers began to move, slowly thrusting deeper into his mouth before pulling back, and he moans helplessly around them. With his other hand, Hajoon is reaching for the front of Woosung’s jeans, rubbing his half-hard cock through the rough material.   
  
A soft kiss is pressed to his neck and the singer tilts his head in a silent plea for another. It’s given, along with many more, as Hajoon’s hands keep moving, fucking his mouth in pace with the strokes of his palm over his pants. Woosung’s eyes fall closed and his head tips back to rest against Hajoon’s shoulder. His hips rock up into the touch as his tongue glides along Hajoon's fingers, tasting the salt of his skin. His own hands flutter restlessly, finally settling on Hajoon's thighs on either side of him, alternating between squeezing tight and rubbing up and down over them.  
  
Hajoon doesn’t stop, only pausing his kisses to whisper something Woosung can’t quite catch all of, but it’s important somehow, and sets his heart racing even faster. His legs fall open, spreading for Hajoon’s teasing touches. He feels like the fire inside is going to burn him to nothing but ash as it rages. Just when he reaches the point where he thinks he can't stand it anymore, that he has to combust from it, he jerks awake with a shocked gasp.  
  
The dream circles around in his mind as he lays in the bed, achingly hard with the images it's given him. Hesitantly he slips two of his own fingers into his mouth as his hand reaches down to mimic the motions dream Hajoon had done. They help muffle his sounds as he starts to stroke himself, slow at first, replaying Hajoon’s voice in his ear, and the feeling of Hajoon pressed against him sharp in his mind. He shoves his fingers deep into his mouth as he comes, keeping Hajoon’s name from tumbling out.  
  
He closes his eyes as he waits to catch his breath.  
  
“... fuck.”  
  


***  
  
The dreams don’t stop. 

Most of them are straight-up dirty; Hajoon climbing into his bed at night and tangling their legs together. Hajoon kissing him under the lights of the dance floor. Hajoon above him, pinning his shoulders to the bed. Under him, legs spread to let Woosung settle between them and kiss down the front of his body. Some are weirder dream logic-y; things like him and Hajoon in the recording booth together, the drummer feeding him strawberries with cream and making him suck the sweet taste off his fingers until Woosung is shaking he's so turned on. Or the one where he’s trying to perform but his voice has run away, and Hajoon is helping him look for it. They find it in the attic of one of Woosung’s long-ago childhood friends and he’s so happy he kisses Hajoon then and there.  
  
The worst one goes like this: they're supposed to be playing a gig and no one shows. Dojoon and Jaehyung sort of vanish fuck knows where and then Hajoon just sings to him. He's not sure what the words are exactly, but somehow he still understands it's for him. It's filled with so much affection and kindness and longing for something deeper, something meaningful and true and he wakes up with tears and an ache in his chest so deep he can't do anything but curl up around it and sob.  
  
He shoves each one away into a ball in the corner of his mind every morning, but even then he can't forget it entirely. The ember from that first night refuses to be snuffed out, sending out faint wisps of smoke and heat no matter how he denies it.  
  


***  
  
He finally concedes to himself that he can't ignore it after a week straight where the only times he woke up dry and not sticky has been when he's aching hard.  
  
He starts going to the gym more, let's Matthew think he's getting better at persuasion so he doesn't have to come up with an excuse. He lifts, and lifts, and runs, and runs, and he hasn't been so cut since high school football was still a thing he was doing.  
  
It helps, some.  
  
Jerking off before bed turns into a disaster when his brain just wants to play a “best of” reel from the dreams. Even watching porn doesn’t help, no matter how appealing he finds the ladies. He even tries gay porn once out of sheer desperation, but that just gives him a dream where Hajoon is sitting in his lap so he’s pinned and paging through a book of pictures of the two of them in the same positions he saw, asking what he thinks of each one and grinding on him until he’s waking up to yet another mess.  
  
  
***  
  
They're celebrating landing a recording contract. The company is small but willing to let them keep creative control over almost everything. They eat too much, laugh too hard.  
  
Hajoon is glowing, effervescent in his joy. 

Woosung very nearly walks into a pole watching him.  
  


***  
  
They get booked for a show two cities away but the pay is good enough for them to be able to rent a room with a pair of beds and double up for a night. Woosung considers asking to share with Jaehyeong until Hajoon smiles at him while dropping on the one he was planning to claim.  
  
He thinks of just going for the other bed. But even knowing it's a bad idea, the thought of laying so close to Hajoon is too sweet a temptation to resist and he cracks.  
  
Lying awake that night and watching through his lashes at the blanket’s rise and fall with Hajoon's breathing he knows this moment is going to come back to him again and again in a thousand different dreams and doesn't care. The thought of seeing him each night is its own kind of sweet, and the bitter ache of want makes it that much more so by contrast.  
  
He bites his lip and turns away. Sleep is hard-won when it finally arrives. 

  
***  
  
It's hours after they've finished playing, but Woosung still feels wired. The rush of the stage is hot in his blood, setting his heart pumping. People keep buying them all drinks, and he accepts more than he should, but it just adds to the buzz already under his skin. Jaehyeong and Dojoon are glowing with happiness as they soak up the crowd, half shouting something about seeing him at the hotel later, or tomorrow. That's fine.  
  
Hajoon is still there with him. The light in his eyes is brighter than ever as he shares Woosung’s post-stage adrenaline high and joins him for shot after shot. He seems almost transcendent to Woosung.  
  
They're a pair of half-drunk fools in the back of the car they call to pick them up, giggling at everything. The driver gets an extra-large tip for putting up with them.  
  
They cling to each other as they stumble to their hotel room, still laughing. It bubbles out of them; their shared joy of performing, of having made enough in just this show to cover their rent this month, of the music, and the crowd, and the band, and each other too much to be contained.  
  
Woosung feels dizzy with it as their door clicks shut behind them. He carelessly kicks away his shoes and sheds his jacket somewhere, not giving a damn where any of it lands, only glad to be free of them.  
  
He catches Hajoon around the waist and spins them around as their laughter finally begins to slow.  
  
Once it’s faded they don't pull apart. Instead, Hajoon surprises him by linking their fingers together, the other arm around his shoulders as they keep spinning in a lazy circle. He hums a song, an old favorite of them both, as they twirl and Woosung is easily able to pick it up. Softly he sings the words to match the melody Hajoon is humming.  
  
The buzz inside him is shifting to something slower, quieter, sinking from just below his skin to settle deep in the core of him.  
  
They wind up in Hajoon’s bed, legs tangled together as they lay face to face, hands still linked where they lay on the blanket between them.  
  
The city light that leaks in through the blinds paints Hajoon in warm tones of orange and yellow.  
  
Woosung feels like he's drifting, everything far away and dreamy even as he focuses on every detail.  
  
“Hajoonie…?” he whispers, not wanting to disturb the atmosphere between them.  
  
Hajoon smiles like the dawn, bright and glorious and chasing away the darkness, and Woosung can't resist reaching out with his free hand to cup his cheek to feel if he's as warm as he looks. “Yeah, hyung?” just as softly floats back to him.  
  
“You know I love you, right?”  
  
“Of course I do. I love you too, hyung.”  
  
Woosung feels like his heart is about to burst. He knows he should just leave it at that. Shouldn't risk losing Hajoon and the best group he's ever been in. But Hajoon’s eyes are falling closed as he presses into the touch of his hand, and Woosung has been holding back for so, so long.  
  
The knowledge of how this could all go wrong screams at him from the back of his mind. But his heart screams Hajoon, Hajoon, Hajoon.  
  
“Hajoonie… please don't hate me for this…”  
  
“Hyung, I’d never ha-” Hajoon never gets to finish the sentence as Woosung closes the space between them and kisses him gently.  
  
He swallows the soft sound of surprise Hajoon makes against his lips, parting them slowly, trying to coax Hajoon to open up to him, while expecting it to be shattered at any second. To his shock, Hajoon lets him, wraps a hand around his shoulder and presses into it. He doesn’t let himself question it. He deepens the kiss, tasting Hajoon's mouth thoroughly. Wants to plant the feeling in his mind forever to pull out when he’s alone again.  
  
The motions are the same as any other kiss, but it still feels different than all the kisses he’s shared with women. Kissing women is like a coming together of opposites to find a new balance. This is closer to bringing together two halves of a matching set. Hajoon is warm, so warm and feels sweet against him. A unique kind of sweet, it's own that's all Hajoon. Sweet born of late nights practicing and a thousand shared meals. Of having cared for one another when sick, being willing to risk catching it because the other would do the same. Countless hours side by side on the road. Learning each other inside and out through shared love of music and the baring of the soul that comes from writing it together.  
  
Woosung shifts so he's straddling one of Hajoon’s thighs, licking into his mouth, then trailing kisses down his neck. “Hajoonie, Hajoonie tell me to stop” He mumbles between kisses while pushing up Hajoon’s shirt. The drummer's hands are in his hair, gasping softly as Woosung’s lips map his skin. “Don't want you to stop”  
  
Woosung groans, sitting up just long enough to tug the offending material up and out of the way while setting out to taste every inch of his skin, his hands wandering over Hajoon’s chest and sides. His thumbs brush over Hajoon’s nipples as Woosung sucks a mark on his shoulder, making the drummer shiver.  
  
He repeats the action, teasing Hajoon with his teeth and fingertips, wanting to see how far he can get him on that alone. The younger arches into him, tugging roughly at his hair until he surges up, flipping their positions. They collide in a mutual frenzy, and Woosung melts into it, kissing Hajoon like he'll die if they part. Hajoon takes it, soaks it up, then buries him under the force of his own desire.  
  
When Hajoon starts yanking off his shirt, Woosung already feels like he's been half devoured. He moves to help rid himself of the offending cloth and then Hajoon is on him again. His hands and mouth are relentlessly thorough as they wander Woosung’s skin.  
  
Woosung tangles his fingers in Hajoon’s hair as the drummer trails kisses down his stomach. Hajoon’s clever hands quickly undo Woosung’s pants, and he glances up from his work with a shy smile. “I want to suck your cock. Is that okay?”  
  
Woosung nods eagerly, “Fuck. Ye- yeah of course.” Hajoon’s smile grows wide for a brief moment then he tugs the jeans out of the way. With a careful touch he pulls Woosung's cock out, stroking him slowly a few times before parting his kiss reddened lips and taking him into his mouth.  
  
Woosung bites hard on his own lip to keep the startled cry he was about to make somewhat quiet. Hajoon’s mouth is devastatingly sweet around him. So warm, and softer than a dream.  
  
Hajoon keeps his lips over his teeth and lets Woosung sink deeper into his mouth, tongue working the underside until the tip hits the back of his throat. He lets his hand stay around what doesn’t fit, and as he slides upwards again his palm gets wet with his spit, making the next press down filthy wet and even better for it. Woosung moans, letting his head fall back. He can’t watch him and keep control.  
  
And he wants so very much desperately to keep some control. Wants to imprint every second he can into his mind.  
  
Every pass of Hajoon’s mouth is slicker, better. The contrast of his soft, soft lips and satiny tongue with his slightly calloused hands from years of drumming has Woosung reeling.  
  
Tenderly as he can he runs his fingers through Hajoon’s hair, over and over again. He tries to focus on the feeling of the soft strands against his skin to distract from Hajoon’s mouth. When it wasn't enough he lets his hands wander a bit, stroking down Hajoon’s neck, tracing the line of his shoulders, the contours of his face. On a whim, he strokes his thumb over Hajoon’s lips stretched tight around him. Unexpectedly Hajoon moans around him at the touch, making him startle and thrust up into him. Hajoon’s free hand grips his hip and starts to guide him to do it again.  
  
Their movement falls into sync under Hajoon’s lead and Woosung can't resist looking again any longer. Hajoon is gorgeous, lips red and shiny around him, and for a moment all he could think was how that was his cock actually inside Hajoon’s mouth.  
  
“Oh fuck, you're beautiful Hajoonie” he moans without thinking. “So fucking beautiful. Your mouth is so sweet, so pretty.” 

Hajoon opens his eyes and looks up at Woosung, moving faster as the singer keeps talking. “Damn that's hot. Fuck, my pretty, sexy Hajoonie, you make me feel so fucking good. My baby, my Hajoonie, so good to me, letting me have that gorgeous goddamn mouth. Fucking love it, I love your mouth Hajoonie, love so much, so so much.”  
  
Hajoon gives him an intense stare Woosung can't pull his thoughts together enough to begin to try to read, before sucking hard at the tip and swirling his tongue around it and Woosung forgets how to do anything but fall apart for him.  
  
He doesn't remember shutting his eyes, but when Hajoon lets him slip from his mouth he has to open them to watch the drummer move to grab a cup from his nightstand, face flushed red as he tries to politely spit out the cum in his mouth into it. Woosung can't help laughing softly, sitting up and tugging Hajoon close when he’s done. “Sorry for not, uh, warning. I think you sucked my brain out.” Woosung steals a kiss before he can reply, moving quickly to open the front of Hajoon’s jeans.  
  
“You- you don't have to-”

“Nothing to do with ‘have to’. I wanna touch you too. Feel and see you fall apart for me.” He looks into Hajoon’s wide eyes. “Unless you don’t want me to?”  
  
“I want you,” is the soft reply, and, slowly he lets his hands settle on Woosung’s back. Neither of them looks away as Woosung slides his hand into Hajoon’s boxers and wraps his fingers around the drummer’s cock. Hajoon bites his lip as Woosung begins to jerk him off, following the example set for him and starting slow.  
  
His thumb swipes over the tip, slick wet already from precome. Still watching each other he pulls his hand out to bring it to his mouth and lick it off. Hajoon gasps at the action, and he flashes a grin before his tongue darts out to slick his palm better and reaches back down, using his free hand to pull Hajoon’s boxers out of the way.  
  
The drummer leans into him, and Woosung rests his forehead against Hajoon’s. They stay like that as he strokes him, sharing each other’s air. Woosung watches every slight shift that crosses Hajoon’s face. He gently presses his free hand to the small of Hajoon’s back. “You can move if you want. Fuck my hand, show me what you like.”  
  
Hajoon lets out a low groan, his lips bitten all to hell, and rolls his hips into the touch. “That's it, Hajoonie.” He murmurs, tightening his grip slightly and thrilling in the shiver it sends through the drummer.  
  
“Hyung… oh, oh god Woosung” Hajoon’s quiet voice moans, his hands starting to slide up and down the singer's back, pausing now and then to grip his shoulders or sides. “Yeah Hajoonie, doing so good baby” Hajoon settles into a hard but unhurried pace as Woosung steals a kiss, gently licking over the most bruised places on Hajoon’s lips, Hajoon’s eyes falling closed,  
  
“Hyung I- ah…” Hajoon starts to speak, breaking the kiss to bury his face against Woosung’s throat. Woosung rubs the back of Hajoon’s neck, holding him close as he continues to stroke his cock. Woosung dips his head to place a string of kisses along his throat and Hajoon’s lips part, breathing hot and fast against his shoulder, eyes shut tight, as close to perfect as anything can be.  
  
“You’re so close, aren’t you baby?” he murmurs against the soft skin. “Come on sweetheart. Hajoonie, come for me baby” Hajoon gives a small, sharp gasp, fingers digging into Woosung’s skin, and the singer could almost hear Hajoon’s control fracture apart as he rocked into the touch, sweet, needy, little “ah, ah, ah” moans falling from his lips. When he came he was almost quiet but for a shocked, soft cry of Woosung’s name, shaking and clinging tight as he stroked Hajoon through it.  
  
Hajoon melts against him in his post-orgasm haze, nuzzling at his shoulder with a happy sigh. Woosung can't help a small grin as he kisses Hajoon’s temple, rubbing his back with his clean hand. He lets him stay like that a few minutes, before gently pulling Hajoon’s shirt up and off, using it to wipe them both off as best he can before tossing it vaguely in the direction of the clothes hamper and shifting them to lay down. Hajoon makes a face at having to move, but goes along with it, not opening his eyes until they are settled on the bed, facing each other. “Stay here for the night?” he whispers reaching to brush Woosung’s cheek with his fingertips like he’s a delicate, gossamer illusion that'll shatter if he pushes too much. 

“As long as you want me”  
  
Hajoon gives a soft smile before letting his eyes drift shut again. Woosung fights sleep for a while longer, afraid to wake up and find this was another dream, but eventually, it washes over him like the tide, slow, gentle waves creeping up until it overcomes everything. 

  
***  
  
The sun warming the back of his neck pulls Woosung from his sleep and to the sight of Hajoon’s sleeping face next to his. He wants to kiss Hajoon awake, isn’t sure if that’s allowed now or if it was just supposed to be a drunk, one-night thing. Biting his lip he debates it back and forth in his mind until Hajoon makes a soft sound. The drummer will wake on his own soon. Now or never.  
  
He decides he’d rather regret going for it and getting rejected than to wonder.  
  
Carefully, tenderly, he takes Hajoon’s face in his hands, pushing close as possible, and kisses him. He feels Hajoon shift, the soft sigh as consciousness returns. He lets out a shuddering gasp, then licks into Hajoon’s mouth, not giving a fuck about morning breath or anything else.  
  
And Hajoon… bless him, Hajoon slowly parts his lips, opens up to him, fucking kisses him back. 

  
***  
  
Nearly every night after they wind up into bed together. 

Sometimes Hajoon’s, sometimes Woosung’s, but almost always together. 

Most of the time they're too tired to do anything more than strip down and fall asleep, snuggled up like a pair of affectionate puppies, sometimes a few tender kisses traded between them before drifting off. Most of the time that’s plenty enough for Woosung. Most of the time it seems enough for Hajoon. 

Some of the time though… 

Sometimes the fire in Woosung flashes to life, and they’re kissing with fervent hunger. Sharp teeth and slick mouths tasting, learning the best ways to meet. Bodies colliding in a hot, sweaty press as they grind against one another. Strong hands mapping the planes and angles of each other. What makes their partner squirm and arch, which touches coax out a gasp or whine or moan. 

It takes a while before he realizes that while Hajoon is always eagerly responsive, he doesn’t start it. 

Most of the time he’s fine with that. 

He thinks he is. 

No, no he really is though.

He’s fine.

It’s fine.

***

The uneasy sort of guilt at things always on his choosing starts to weigh heavy at his shoulders. But Woosung… doesn’t have any clue how to address it or ask. Doesn’t want talking to break whatever it is they have. 

  
*** 

  
The opportunity drops itself into his lap on an early summer evening.

They lay side by side in the space under Woosung’s bed, tangled in each other as Hajoon traces patterns over Woosung’s arm with his fingertips.  
  
“I had a dream about you that started a lot like this,” he says quietly, watching how Hajoon’s fingers journey from his elbow to his wrist. “Yeah? How'd it end?” Woosung feels his face warm. “Um…”  
  
Hajoon laughs at his hesitation, “That good, huh?”  
  
“It… definitely revealed a few things. I hadn't had a dream about a guy before like… that. It wasn't even much, really. I woke up before clothes even came off.”  
  
Hajoon’s fingers trace upwards again. “I've had several about you.” He confesses. “Hasn't helped that you've always been walking around here naked. Common theme is you coming into my room like that and we talk until you do something, lean back with your legs spread a little maybe, whatever, and I can't stand it and pounce on you.”  
  
Woosung bites his lip as he listens. “Noted.” He grins, and Hajoon laughs again, pushing lightly at his shoulder. “If you're going to do that then do it right after a shower. Best dream I had was one where I ate you out until you were crying.”  
  
Woosung’s face is burning now, all his thoughts and words scattered as the mental image sets itself at the forefront of his brain. “That- that's um… I… fuck.” Hajoon’s smile turns softer, the teasing tone leaving his voice and he lifts his hand to gently brush over Woosung’s red, red cheek. “It’s okay if you don't want that.”  
  
Woosung wraps an arm around Hajoon’s waist, pressing them closer together until there’s no space left between them. “Not that I don't… It’s just… Not a thing I've thought about before. None of my girlfriends ever uh. Went… there.” Hajoon watches him closely, running his fingers through the singer’s hair. “You've really never done anything? Not even by yourself?” Woosung shakes his head. “What about you?”  
  
Hajoon nods, shrugging. “I've had two boyfriends before. There's not much I can think of I haven't tried until you start talking about the more kinky stuff.” Woosung swallows, picturing Hajoon under a faceless stranger, how he looked above him before. “Good thing one of us knows what the fuck he's doing then, huh”  
  
A mischievous glint comes to Hajoon’s eyes and he tilts his head to whisper in Woosung’s ear, “Oh, I definitely know what I'm doing,” before taking advantage of the new proximity to start placing soft kisses down his throat and talking goes out the window. 

  
***  
  
Woosung pauses outside of Hajoon’s door, taking a deep, steadying breath to try and calm his heart as it beats painfully hard inside his ribs. He's still wet from his shower, his hair dripping now and then, with a towel wrapped around his hips. It takes a few more deep breaths before he opens the door, walking in like he isn't shaking inside, and dropping casually onto the bed as the door clicks shut. He feels Hajoon’s gaze before he even looks up to meet his eyes.  
  
He grins, letting the towel come undone but still covering him for the time being as his legs part ever so slightly. Hajoon swallows obviously, a slight tremor to his hands as he takes off his headphones, turning his chair to face Woosung fully. The singer raises a hand to run through his wet hair, sending a few drops down his neck and chest, watching Hajoon’s eyes follow them.  
  
“So… about that dream you mentioned...” he's grateful there's only a touch of breathiness to his voice near the end, though he suspects even without that Hajoon would still have an idea of how nervous he is.  
  
A large part of it is wiped away as he watches Hajoon, who is making no effort to hide how he's drinking in the sight before him, licking his lips. The drummer is shivering almost as much as Woosung is on the inside, frozen for a long moment. Moving like he's in a dream Hajoon finally slides out of his seat, and joins Woosung on the bed. He kneels over him as one hand settles on Woosung’s knee, then slides up his thigh, soft as a whisper, gentle as a sigh as he pushes the singer's legs further apart. He keeps looking back to Woosung’s face, watching every reaction.  
  
Woosung worries at his bottom lip, moving to lean back on his hands. He feels like he's going to shake to pieces, exposed on a level that has nothing to do with nakedness, but he makes no move to stop Hajoon, wanting the drummer with a fierceness that shocks him. He doesn’t hesitate when Hajoon moves between his parted legs, nor when Hajoon just as carefully guides him to lay down, to lift his hips to set a pillow under him.  
  
There's something he can't quite read in Hajoon’s eyes as he does this, but plenty of other things he can, including the same deep, devastating want that is devouring him down to his bones with its heat. Hajoon only looks away to grab something Woosung is fairly certain is lube out of his nightstand. It's dropped somewhere by his hips as Hajoon leans in to kiss him.  
  
It's as delicate as every other touch so far, even as Woosung parts his lips for Hajoon’s tongue. Hajoon kisses him like it's all he ever wants to do for the rest of his life. It leaves him thoroughly breathless and the trembling moves from inside to the rest of him when Hajoon eventually breaks it in order to catch his breath, then proceeds to touch and kiss with the exact same devotion over every place he's learned makes the singer weak.  
  
Hajoon glances up at him when he gets to his hips, before pressing a kiss to the tip of his already hard cock, sweeping his tongue along the underside and down to the base and Woosung has to shut his eyes, letting his head lay back against the bed.  
  
He can feel Hajoon’s hands sliding over the inside of his thighs, his lips placing a few more kisses along the same path. There's a tremor to his breathing as the anticipation combines with his desire and trepidation.  
  
Hajoon’s tongue just barely touches him, still being so, so careful with him, and he still jolts in surprise. “I'm fine, I'm fine, you don't- you don't have to stop,” he says in a rush, bracing himself mentally as Hajoon murmurs “okay” and does it again. A barely-there kitten lick really. Another pause before he repeats it. Again. And again, and again. The pauses getting shorter each time until they're gone and it builds to a constant, teasing slide of Hajoon’s tongue.  
  
He doesn’t know what to do with his limbs, feeling slightly lost as he works to process the new sensation. He knows he's probably too tense, but doesn't know what to do about it. Hajoon doesn't push, just keeps going at the same unhurried pace and Woosung, slowly, begins to relax. He manages to finally think past just the idea of where Hajoon has his tongue, and focus on how it feels. Strange, definitely strange, but it's not... bad.  
  
He's not sure how exactly it starts, but as Hajoon continues, steady and patient, there’s a growing shift. His body adjusts to the feeling of Hajoon’s tongue and slowly sparks of pleasure began to overtake the odd newness of the sensation. He's just barely aware of the hitch that creeps into his breathing, the tiny adjustment his hips make into the feeling, or his legs spreading just a bit more.  
  
Hajoon hums something that sounds like approval and sends another shiver racing through him before the drummer is taking advantage and pressing his tongue ever so slightly into him. Woosung doesn't mean to let out a small, surprised gasp but Hajoon seemingly has been waiting for something like it. This time he doesn't bother with the teasing pauses, instead just pressing a little bit deeper every time his tongue pushes in.  
  
A moment of hesitation, and then Woosung’s body takes over for him, opening up to Hajoon without checking in with his brain to think about it. Hajoon hums again, and this time Woosung moans softly, hands gripping the sheets tight rather than risk tugging too hard on Hajoon.  
  
Hajoon is as devastatingly thorough and patient in this as he has been with everything else, and eventually Woosung can't help the needy sounds that would be embarrassing if he could think of anything other than Hajoon and what he’s doing to him.  
  
He's not completely certain when he starts whispering “please, oh please, please Hajoonie” or what he's even begging for, but Hajoon listens. There's a snap of a bottle cap, and then something slick, and cool, is pressing carefully into him alongside Hajoon’s tongue. Not far, at least not yet. The surprise of it clears his head enough for him to think ‘oh fuck that's Hajoon’s _finger_ ’, before the soft, wet press of his tongue clouds Woosung’s brain once more. He floats on the feeling, let's it wash over him, and Hajoon slowly starts to pull back his finger, then thrust it deeper.  
  
It's an adjustment but Hajoon’s tongue has already gotten him slick and open and feeling good, it's easy to let him have this little bit more. To start wanting it, even arching into the touch, clenching around the finger inside of him like he couldn't when he only had the soft press of Hajoon’s tongue, panting softly. His fingers tangle themselves in Hajoon’s hair when the drummer adds a second. It's a stretch but not a bad one. Not even that strange any longer. Just more.  
  
“Oh, oh fuck please Hajoonie.”  
  
Hajoon groans, twisting his fingers to press upwards and Woosung cries out as he brushes just at the edge of something amazing.  
  
“Hajoonie, Hajoonie please, more please,”  
  
Hajoon kisses up his thigh, then bites carefully as he presses in a third finger and Woosung curses, rocking into the touch. “fuck, fuck so good baby, fuck me so good,” he babbles, and feels the younger smile against his skin. “Yeah?” He slows his pace again, pulling his fingers out so he's just barely missing the spot now and Woosung makes a sound very close to a sob.  
  
“Fuck Hajoonie, don’t tease, please, baby please,”  
  
Hajoon kisses the mark he’s left and leans in to lick where Woosung is open and needy around his fingers. This time he does sob. Just a little bit. But he’s well past giving a fuck what he sounds like. Or looks like, as he spreads his legs wide and arches his back for the drummer. “Hajoon, fuck please, give it to me, fuck me. Fill me up with those gorgeous fucking fingers of yours, anything, please Hajoonie”  
  
He feels more than hears the sigh that draws out of Hajoon, before the drummer thrusts his fingers in deep, finding the place he had just barely touched moments ago and staying on it with gentle but unwavering focus. It’s all he can do to keep breathing as the sudden onslaught leaves him helpless. It feels like he’s drowning in it, even though Hajoon is so, so careful, so considerate, so fucking good to him.  
  
He lets Hajoon take, and take, and take, lets it wash over him until he breaks. His orgasm leaves him feeling wrecked, his face damp with tears and his body wrung out.  
  
Hajoon cradles his face in his hands, kisses him tender enough to make his heartache. He grinds against Woosung’s thigh, once, twice, three times and then stills with a soft whimper against his lips. Woosung holds him as tight as he can. Kisses him just as sweetly back. Only lets him go just long enough to grab the almost forgotten towel and clean them both off. Then he’s got his limbs wrapped tight around the drummer, holding him as close as physically possible. 

He can’t think of a way to shape what he’s feeling into words, too unraveled and too sated to really do much but feel. But it’s fine. Hajoon’s sleepy face holds the light of a deep kind of satisfaction and Woosung feels the best kind of wrung out. He can figure out words later.  
  
  
***  
  
They're settled in for the night in Woosung’s room, Hajoon in a soft, ratty band tee he stole from the singer, Woosung wearing only a pair of boxers Hajoon bought the week before.  
  
He's got Hajoon as the little spoon, tucked up against his chest, and he’s nuzzling at the younger’s neck. Hajoon keeps laughing, squirming in his arms but tilting his head for more. He adds a few soft kisses, reveling in the happy sigh it earns him.  
  
“Hajoonie, you're fuckin’ cute.”  
  
“Course I am, hyung, I'm fucking you”  
  
Woosung very nearly shoves him to the floor as Hajoon laughs, and the shove just makes him laugh harder. 

He absolutely doesn’t let himself smile until Hajoon is kissing him. 

  
***  
  
They're out at dinner, across from each other, Jaehyeong at his side, Dojoon next to Hajoon. Woosung slips a few pieces of meat meant for him into Hajoon’s plate.  
  
Later, looking down at his plate while laughing at Dojoon with a chopstick up his nose, he notices that he has as many pieces as he started with, plus a few extra.  
  
Hajoon grins at him with the deep smugness of false innocence.  
  
Woosung smiles back, picking up a bit of it, and then reaching over the table to take hold of Hajoon’s face with one hand, and gently forces the food into his mouth. 

  
***  
  
It’s fifteen minutes until their cue.  
  
He's got Hajoon pressed against the wall of the dressing room, and is kissing him like it's the end of the world. He bites Hajoon’s bottom lip, then licks over the spot with a quick swipe of his tongue. Hajoon whines into his mouth and pulls him close, sliding his hands under Woosung’s shirt and gently scratches down his back until the singer is growling, grinding their hips together.  
  
Someone bangs on the door, yelling for them to hurry up and they startle apart.  
  
Woosung flashes Hajoon one more smile, leaning in to steal a last, quick kiss before straightening his clothes, and checking over Hajoon.  
  
“Later.” He promises and gives a wink before they have to step out.  
  
  
***

  
The door slams shut behind them as Woosung guides Hajoon towards the closest bed, not letting him break the kiss until the back of the drummer’s legs hit the edge. He gently pushes Hajoon to fall back on it and gives him a soft smile as he leans over him, stealing another kiss before he starts tugging his jeans off. Licking his lips he starts kissing down the Hajoon's chest, biting lightly in places as he does.  
  
He doesn't let himself over-think what he has in mind, simply keeps following his downward path. His teeth graze lightly over Hajoon’s hipbone, gently mark each thigh, before he presses his lips to Hajoon’s cock.  
  
Hajoon gasps, wide eyes looking down at him. Woosung meets his shocked gaze as he parts his lips, tongue darting out to lick over the tip. Hajoon gasps again, louder, gripping the sheets tight as his eyes fall shut. Woosung feels a surge of pride in his chest seeing his obvious pleasure, and repeats the action, then runs his tongue in a wide stripe down to the base and up again.  
  
There’s a trembling breath from Hajoon as the singer takes him into his mouth. “Woosung… oh. Oh god. Hyung, you don't have-” Woosung hums, and slides farther down.  
  
He moves slowly, not able to take him very far, but sucking and working his tongue as best he can, trying to take little breaks to ease the unfamiliar ache in his jaw.   
  
“Sorry. Sorry, I'm not trying to tease I just- “  
  
“No, no don't apologize, it's fine,” Hajoon tugs Woosung in for a kiss, hands coming up to gently rub away some of the soreness. He keeps stroking Hajoon, drinking in the soft sighs he makes. He kisses Hajoon one more time before ducking his head and uses his lips and tongue as best he can without having to open his mouth too much. Hajoon’s soft voice is nothing but praises and sweet, quiet little moans, and all he wants is to hear more of it.  
  
He squeezes his fingers a little tighter around the drummer, everything slick and warm, and his lips and tongue soft and light and sweet as sin, until Hajoon is stammering out a warning and weakly trying to push him away. He lets himself be tugged off to ask, “Are you very close, Hajoonie?”  
  
“Y- yes, so- sosoclose, yes please,”  
  
“... then fuck my mouth until you come in it, okay?”  
  
He doesn’t give Hajoon or himself any time to worry, just opens his mouth again, keeping his hand firmly in place so he doesn’t choke too much. He hears Hajoon curse, feels his shaking hands cup one side of his face, the back of his neck, before hesitantly thrusting. He hums to encourage more of it, bobbing his head, wanting to make Hajoon come before his stupid jaw acts up again.  
  
“Oh fuck, fuck hyung-”  
  
The drummer thankfully doesn’t protest again, just starts rolling his hips, faster but careful not to force himself too deep, until he’s gasping one last warning and suddenly yanks Woosung off. Woosung is surprised but manages to stroke him through it, letting it paint over his chest, some streaking his neck and stomach.  
  
Hajoon looks satisfied by it though, sated and wrecked in the best way, unable to open his eyes. Woosung gently brushes the sweaty strands of his bangs from his face before moving to get something to clean himself off. The drummer tries to tug him in, murmuring that he has to make it good for Woosung too, seemingly not placated by the reassurances that blowing him really was all he wanted. “Later. Just… wait a minute for me to clean up.”  
  
Hajoon weakly relents, and Woosung goes to the bathroom to grab a washcloth. He’s been gone no more than a couple of minutes but Hajoon is clearly more asleep than awake when he walks back in.  
  
Grinning to himself he strips down, then finishes undressing his bandmate before climbing into the bed to snuggle him to his chest.  
  
He spends a long time watching Hajoon. Runs his fingers through his hair and thinks a lot about anything but what the warm feeling in his chest at the sight of him means.  
  
  
***  
  
He’s got Hajoon’s back pressed tight against his chest, the drummer squirming, whimpering in a way Woosung wants to savor. Hajoon is eager, wanting, needy even. His fingers twist inside him, make Hajoon cry out and rock back into his hand and he kisses the side of his neck, voice soft when he speaks.  
  
“It’s alright Hajoonie. Anything you want, I’ll do it for you.”  
  
A hitched breath, almost a sob, before a whispered, “Fuck me… please hyung, fuck me.”  
  
He has to take a deep breath before he thrusts his fingers faster, harder into the other man, biting his lip as he listens to how it makes Hajoon’s moans grow more desperate before he stops abruptly. Hajoon starts to protest but doesn’t get to finish getting the half-formed words out. Woosung pulls away to hastily grab a condom from their bedside table drawer, kissing the back of Hajoon’s neck as he rolls it on.  
  
He watches Hajoon for any sign of needing him to slow down or stop as he pushes into him, but all he sees is the way his eyes widen, the way his lips part around a tiny little “ah”, the arch of his back as he opens up to Woosung like he was made for him to fill, to fuck, to take. One of his hands settles on Hajoon’s hip, his thumb rubbing circles over the jut of the bone as he starts to really move.  
  
Hajoon’s hand scrambles blindly until it finds Woosung’s free one, and threads their fingers together as he rocks back into Woosung’s thrusts. “Please don’t stop, please don’t- don’t-, oh fuck, oh please, need it, need you, _Woosung_ , hyung, please”  
  
He’s never heard Hajoon say so much like this either, but he likes it, likes how open and giving and sweet his face and words and body is under him. He kisses Hajoon with just as much passion as he’s being given, whispers promises against his skin, until Hajoon buries his face into the bedding with a sob, back arching and he’s shaking and coming for Woosung. All he can do is fuck him through it, telling him how beautiful, perfect, gorgeous and good his Hajoonie is for him until he’s following him to that crashing end.  
  


***  
  
Something changes after that day.  
  
Hajoon is almost skittish at first. Watching Woosung out of the corner of his eye all the time, fidgeting by pulling his sleeves down over his hands, jumping when Woosung pulls him out of far off thoughts, which come more and more frequently.  
  
At night he holds Hajoon a little tighter and breathes a sigh of relief when it’s returned.  
  
  
***  
  
Woosung has one arm around Hajoon and holds his hand as they dance slowly. Moonlight pours in through the window. Music plays softly from the speakers, and the reflection of the lights in Hajoon’s eyes is something he can't look away from.  
  


***  
  


He's got Hajoon up against the wall, shirt hanging open and pants long lost as those strong legs go around his waist and he kisses along the offered expanse of his throat whispering gently, “please Hajoonie, let me take care of you. Just wanna make you feel so good Hajoonie” and he can feel the way it strikes a chord, leaves the drummer shivering and aching with want that mirrors Woosung’s. 

Something hungry and demanding that can't be put off forever. 

Hajoon nods, a pleading murmur of “yes” in his ear and he doesn't pause to consider anything else. He presses forward and _takes_ , loving the way Hajoon cries out and clings to him, pulling him impossibly closer and letting him steal away anything he wants. He does until Hajoon is lost to it, arching his back and falling apart so fucking sweetly as he comes and Woosung wants to devour him.  
  
  
***  
  
He’s straddling Hajoon’s lap, fingers digging into the drummer’s shoulders as he tries not to moan too loudly. One of Hajoon’s hands grips his thigh tight, holding him in place as he works his fingers in and out of Woosung. Quietly as he can he whispers in Hajoon’s ear, “please, Hajoonie, fuck me”  
  
“I am, hyung”  
  
“No… no, I mean… fuck, Hajoon. I mean I want you inside me. Your- I want your cock, Hajoonie”  
  
Hajoon makes a sound like he’s being strangled, then yanks him down for a kiss, lips colliding as he pushes in his pinky alongside his other three fingers and fucks them deep as he can into Woosung, until it’s all the older man can do to hold onto him and not scream as he comes hard all over them both.   
  
  
***  
  
He thinks maybe Hajoon was just caught too off guard at that time or something. But he still doesn’t fuck Woosung next time he asks either, or the next, or the next, deflecting by making him come hard in other ways.  
  
When Woosung tries to bring it up outside of sex Hajoon keeps dodging.  
  
Woosung doesn’t have confidence issues, but it still starts to get to him.  
  
“Do- do you not… am I not… am I doing something wrong?” he asks quietly after a particularly blunt subject change attempt on Hajoon’s part.  
  
Hajoon stops, and looks at him, biting his lip then shaking his head slowly, reaching for Woosung to pull him close, cradling the singer’s face in his hands. “No, no, nothing like that. You aren’t- You haven’t done anything wrong and you’re… very tempting. I just… I can’t. I can’t do that.”  
  
Woosung raises his eyebrows at that.  
  
“I just can’t hyung. I don’t feel really comfortable with talking about why.”  
  
Woosung isn’t really satisfied with that answer, but he stops asking. 

***  
  
Hajoon makes a habit of spoiling him in every other way he can.  
  
Kisses him, sucks his cock, eats him out like each act is his last meal.  
  
Lets Woosung ride his fingers as he swallows him down until he forgets what it was like to even hesitate at the thought of something inside him. He wonders if maybe Hajoon’s reshaped him so there’s a space that only his drummer boy can fit, only he can fill, deeper than even those talented fingers can reach.  
  
  
***  
  
He’s taking a nap in his bed when Hajoon climbs up. He doesn’t really wake up, just rolls until he hits the wall, then rolls back closer when the bed stops shifting from Hajoon getting settled. A content little sigh leaves him as Hajoon wraps an arm, then a leg over him. “Love you Hajoonie” he mumbles as sleep claims him again.  
  
Hajoon goes very still, then holds him a little tighter.  
  
He tries to stay awake for a few more moments when he hears Hajoon whisper something in reply, but he’s too worn out and the last thing that registers clearly is a kiss to his temple.  
  
  
***  
  
He’s stopped asking Hajoon about the idea of being fucked by him, but he hasn’t stopped thinking about it. 

  
***  
  
He looks up sex toys online under a secret tab, and just … looks for a little bit, debating getting one just to get an idea of what it’d be like.  
  
Each time he closes it is a bit more difficult.  
  
Until one night, kinda tipsy and maybe a little bit high, he just goes for it, orders a decent sized one, smaller than Hajoon’s actual dick but much more than his fingers, before he can sober up enough to talk himself out of it, and then promptly forgets about it. Which makes the package he gets a week later a fairly shocking surprise. 

  
***  
  
He puts it away for a while, shoved deep into a back corner of his closet. 

  
***  
  
Hajoon has a solo picture thing he has to do, gonna be gone for a whole week.  
  
And they text, and talk of course but… 

  
But Woosung is only human. A curious, and needy human who has gotten used to being laid on a fairly regular basis.  
  
It takes four days for him to crack, digging it out from under a couple of torn band tees and settling into his bed, sitting up on his knees with the lube beside him, wearing one of Hajoon’s oversized sweaters and nothing else.  
  
Using his fingers on himself is more frustration than a reward because even once he finds what he’s looking for, it just… doesn’t compare with how good Hajoon’s feel, how deep they can press. But this time it’s okay because it’s just a means to what he’s really here for. He rushes through it a little bit, eager and so wound up he doesn’t care about the discomfort.  
  
When he can work three in and out without wincing he goes for it, grabbing the toy with his slick fingers, stroking it a few quick times to make sure its good and wet and then reaching between his legs with it. He tries teasing it back and forth over his hole a few times before he starts to sink down on it. He has to pause once, twice, to breathe, and let himself adjust before he can take all of it but he manages. He half tugs it back out, half lifts himself almost all the way off of it, then sinks again, slower but without pausing.  
  
And then again.  
  
And again.  
  
And againagainagain until he’s riding it, the constant back and forth of it over his prostate exactly what he’s been craving. His eyes slip shut and he thinks of Hajoon under him, the way he looked when he let Woosung fuck him, how he looks when Woosung makes him come, how the drummer sounds when he’s getting close, and he bites his lip on a moan of Hajoon’s name.  
  
His phone lights up, the ringtone Hajoon’s and he curses, but grabs it anyway, pausing with it deep inside him as he pants a “hello?”  
  
“Hyung? Why do you sound so out of breath?”  
  
“.... uh, the answer to that sort of depends on where you are and who is around you?”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“Just… answer mine first and I’ll answer yours.”  
  
“Iiiiii’m in the back of a van with the manager and a driver but there is a whole empty row between us?”  
  
He considers that then shrugs. “I was in the middle of getting myself off.”  
He hears Hajoon choke, pictures how his eyes probably went wide and his face flushed. “You-you were? What- uh- are you still…?”  
  
Woosung grins to himself, then rocks on the toy again, very slowly this time and lets himself moan quietly for Hajoon to hear. “Yeah…”  
  
Hajoon’s voice is barely a whisper, just loud enough for him to hear, “What were you thinking of?”  
  
“Not telling.”  
  
“What?! Why not?”  
  
“Nope.” he moans again just to tease, then adds “Maybe I’ll tell you later. Bye~” and hangs up, turning off the phone as it starts to ring again almost immediately, and tossing it aside. He’ll think of something to make it up to Hajoon, but a tiny, slightly vindictive little voice in the back of his mind thinks it’s only fair for Hajoon to have to miss out on knowing something for a little while when he can’t know why he can’t have Hajoon in this way.  
  
He rolls his head on his shoulders, then plants his hands firmly on the bed and sets back to working himself up and down on the toy. He settles into a slow, almost teasing pace, thinking back to the first time they hooked up, figuring he might as well draw it out a little, really enjoy himself.  
  
He sighs Hajoon’s name as he rises and falls, resisting the urge to touch himself.  
  
It builds up slow and twisting inside of him, and he just knows it’s going to hit him hard when it crests. He’s close, very, very close, when he hears a shocked squeak of his name and the door being hastily banged shut.  
  
With wide eyes he turns to look and sees Hajoon there, leaning against the door and staring back at him.  
  
“I- I finished early. I was calling from the car to tell you and- And I- Oh my god.”  
  
The lock clicks into place before Hajoon starts walking towards him, stripping off his own clothes without taking his eyes away once. He’s naked when he climbs the small ladder and kneels beside the still-gaping Woosung.  
  
“Can-can I touch you?” Hajoon asks breathlessly and Woosung just nods slowly, hands lifting from the bed to settle on Hajoon’s shoulders. The drummer’s own hands slide under the large sweater stroking up his sides, around to his chest to tease his nipples for a moment, before one moves down to stroke his cock. Woosung moans, leaning forward to capture Hajoon’s mouth with his own.  
  
He's almost content to just let Hajoon finish him like this, the toy nearly forgotten, as much as something thick and filling him can be forgotten, but it's brought very much to the forefront of his mind again when Hajoon stops playing with his chest and moves to touch him there only to be blocked by the toy still inside him. His fingers trace around where Woosung is stretched open around the plastic, and they both gasp.  
  
“W- Woosung is- is this… were you…”  
  
Hajoon can't seem to get his words together enough to finish the thought, but Woosung can guess what the rest of it is.  
  
“I was thinking of you. Of riding you. While fucking myself with the stupid toy because I fucking missed you and I know you said you can't, and I can live with that but I didn't want to try explaining all that on the phone while I was still sitting here with this- this thing inside me and- fuck Hajoonie. I just want you okay, whatever ways you'll let me. Can- fuck can you just- just touch me or if that's not- if you can't then hold me while I'm- anything, anything Hajoonie, please”  
  
Hajoon turns quiet, not a sound, hardly even breathing, pulling back a bit and fixing Woosung with one of those looks that carry the weight of a thousand things. Slowly, achingly slow, he pulls the toy out, watching as Woosung’s eyes closed. The singer gasps as Hajoon then pushes it back in, deeper. He rubs Woosung’s hip as he works the toy back into him, breathless in Woosung’s ear.  
  
“You- you really want this, hyung?”  
  
“ _Yes_ , fuck yes, please-” the rest of it was lost as Hajoon hit his prostate, making him cry out.  
  
The drummer leaves it inside him like that and carefully, gently, shifts them so he can settle Woosung on the bed. Woosung can feel Hajoon’s gaze almost like a touch sliding down his body, taking in the sweater now hiked around his waist, his erect and leaking cock, where the toy was filling him up…  
  
Hajoon stares hard, and Woosung tries not to squirm under the look.  
  
“Ha- Hajoon?”  
  
The drummer reaches to the side shelf and wordlessly grabs a condom, ripping open the package and rolling it on before snatching up the lube and quickly slicking himself up with it, as Woosung’s eyes start to go wide. “Hajoonie are y- ohmyfuck- oh god” 

  
As careless as Hajoon had been with himself, his touch is equally delicate, but determined, as he tugs the toy out again, all the way this time. He tosses it aside when finished, then leans forward, resting on one elbow above Woosung and looking directly into his eyes as he reaches between them to line his cock up. “Tell me to stop if you change your mind for any reason, any reason at all” Woosung nods wordlessly, gripping Hajoon’s waist to ground himself as the drummer starts to push inside.  
  
They both let out a shaky gasp, frozen in place for a moment that stretches into its own mini-eternity. Until Woosung breaks first, tugging Hajoon forward and then shuddering as he feels him sinking deeper into him. Hajoon shifts to support himself with his other hand and reaches to stroke over Woosung’s cheekbone, whispering softly, “Breathe, breathe and let me in hyung,” Woosung does as told, focusing on taking even breaths, until his body remembers how to open up to Hajoon’s touch. “That’s- that’s it, that’s good, that’s perfect,” Hajoon murmurs, keeping up the encouragement and praise and soft touch back and forth over his cheek until Woosung’s taken all of him.  
  
A pause where they breathe in unison again and Woosung realizes he’s clinging tight to Hajoon, but can’t bring himself to loosen his hold. Hopes he isn’t hurting him, but also in the very back of his mind hopes maybe to see a hint of the shape of his own fingers marking the drummer as his in the morning.  
  
Then Hajoon moves. Woosung can feel how the motion starts in his shoulders and rolls down his back like a wave. Hajoon’s expression is infinitely fragile, and Woosung lets his hands travel up and down his back, following that rolling motion along his spine, pets his trembling arms and wraps him up in his legs to keep him close, and rocks his hips to the rhythm Hajoon sets.  
  
“Yeah… yeah, that's… oh fuck Hajoonie”  
  
It's good, overstuffed with sensation like Hajoon is setting off every nerve ending that's capable of feeling pleasure inside him. 

  
“Do you know why I said I couldn’t?” Hajoon’s voice is ragged, and all Woosung can do is shake his head.  
  
“Cause- cause I thought… I was scared... this might be just… an experimental thing. A fling, to get- get any… curiosity out of your system before… settling down with a girl or- or I don’t know.”  
  
Then Hajoon’s usually iron-clad control cracks, a thousand splintered pieces of dust blown to the wind, and he thrusts hard, finally taking everything Woosung has been trying to offer for months. There barely seems to be room for air in his lungs, but that’s fine. Fine and good and finally, finally, reaching the aching need that’s been burning in him for so long.  
  
There's a moment where he feels like an ember adrift in a vast ocean. That flame that's always been eating away at him suddenly meeting something deep and awe-inspiring and more than a little bit scary if he stops to think about it. So he doesn’t let himself think. Instead, he surrenders to the inevitable, tugging Hajoon in for a kiss, and drinks in his broken sob. “It’s okay, it’s okay, I got you Hajoonie. You mean so much to me. Come on, fuck me, baby. Make me come for you.”  
  
Hajoon pants something against his mouth that sounds suspiciously like “Mine”, needy and desperate and Woosung nods, licking the sweet taste of his desire from his mouth. “Yours, all yours.”  
  
The drummer wraps his fingers around Woosung’s cock, sucks on his lip and thrusts deep and Woosung gives it up to him. He’s coming hard, feels his body tighten around Hajoon, and gets off harder on that, that it’s Hajoon inside and above him. Like the final wave that overcomes that drifting fire.  
  
But Hajoon is not an ocean, just a man, a beautiful and vulnerable man who doesn’t even realize that he’s been begging Woosung with everything he has to love him, all this time, really actually love him, not only as a friend or bandmate, so when Woosung remembers how to breathe again he holds him close, kisses his neck, and whispers, “Remember what I said that first night together Hajoonie? I love you. I love you so much.” He shivers as he feels Hajoon go still deep inside him, trembling as he comes, and Woosung pets his hair, cradles him through it until he collapses on top of the singer.  
  
They lay together in a heap of sweaty limbs and sheets and one now very gross sweater still tangled around Woosung. He thinks vaguely they should at the least get on some new underwear and move to Hajoon’s room because falling asleep like this would be disgusting, but it's already too late by the time the thought forms Hajoon’s snoring lightly against his chest and he’s slipping under to join him in slumber only a few breaths later.  
  
***  
  
  
  
[months later]  
  
They're curled up together, extra blankets piled on to keep out the cold, sweaters and extra socks on. Woosung has his face buried against Hajoons chest, dozing as he listens to the younger breathe, and the sound of his heart beating.  
  
“Hajoonie…” he mumbled, nuzzling him. He throws a leg over Hajoons hips, holding him tight as he drifts in between sleeping and waking, feeling warm, cozy, and adored. Slowly, sweetly, Hajoon trails kisses down the side of his face and neck, waking him up a little at a time.  
  
With a sigh he shifts, laying half on top of the younger, tilting his head to offer more skin to Hajoons lips.  
  
“G’ morning,” he mumbles, only half awake.  
  
“Afternoon.” Hajoon murmurs between kisses. A hand in Woosung’s hair pulls him gently back so Hajoon can tug aside the wide collar of his sweater and start kissing over his collarbone and shoulder.  
  
Woosung hums softly, eyes slipping shut as Hajoon’s other hand rubs his thigh, then slides up to his waist so they're pressed tight together. He wraps his own arms around Hajoon’s shoulders and they stay like that for a lingering moment.  
  
“Love you, hyung.”  
  
Woosung smiles, but not opening his eyes again until Hajoon’s hand slips into his boxers and squeezes his ass. With a laugh, he squirms to steal a kiss. “Love you too, Hajoonie.”  
  



End file.
